Thursday, June 19, 2008


I could write a checklist of each decision that led to the point I'm at today. While that probably doesn't sound too stupendous to you, let me assure you, it really is. Not the lone act of remembering the event itself, but the clarity with which that memories comes. I can tell you what the weather was like, what perfume I was wearing, the food eaten...and the precise second I turned off the voice in my head telling me to RUN THE OTHER WAY. It's almost as if God has permitted me this perfection of memory, but only for hindsight, be it good or bad. I suppose it's always that way, hindsight is 20/20 and all that...

I wonder sometimes if that means I'm "growing up" or maybe even "becoming an adult", (bleh!); the fact that I'm actually learning from my mistakes, something I've always thought was a great plot line in books, but rarely true in real life.

I watched my husband fall asleep with a smile on his face. He was watching our daughter sleeping between us, and fell asleep himself, still smiling, 5 minutes later. It was one of the greatest things I've ever seen. I suppose we've both learned from our mistakes. But here we are, one way or another, and most days life is pretty good.

I suppose, if having crystal clear memories of all my mistakes means I won't make them again, it's worth it. And I suppose, that if being an adult means having moments where my husband and children make me smile with supreme happiness, well...I guess that's worth it too. =)